Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Monday, August 15, 2011
internet frustration
I moved into my new apartment on Friday. The internet was supposed to be turned on but it was not, and the technician could not arrive until Monday, and therefore I spent the weekend without internet.
This was pretty inconvenient while I was trying to move in and coordinate with sources that can only be reached online. I created several really odd analogies around 1AM last night to explain how I felt.
Analogy One: Comcast is a witch that made me do manual labor.
Not having the internet means that instead of doing your work, checking your email, and finding out crucial information online, you must instead busy yourself by cleaning your apartment and unpacking things. This unpacking is fraught with the idea that if you had internet, you could take breaks to be on your computer doing things that were equally productive.
Analogy Two: Making transactions on your smartphone is like trying to play Monopoly with a tiny gnome.
The gnome wants to play Monopoly. But the board is way too small for your giant fingers! You must make purchases and transactions, but you keep putting hotels and houses on the wrong properties. You don't even know what the properties say. You have to ask the gnome to read things to you, but he's not very talkative, so you just struggle along by yourself, slowly hemorrhaging money.
Yes, the number of accidental amazon and peapod orders I had to cancel was pretty monumental.
Analogy Three: Maintaining a positive attitude during an internet outage when you are moving is as much of a no-win situation as having a staring contest with your cat.
You can never win a staring contest with your cat. Even if you think you won, the cat still thinks he won, and basically that is tantamount to losing. Even if your cat were giant or you were really small, and you were therefore on equal ground size-wise, the result would be no different.
But in the end, my apartment is unpacked, the internet is back, and my cat just lost the staring contest I tried to have with him. So everything is good.
That is all.
This was pretty inconvenient while I was trying to move in and coordinate with sources that can only be reached online. I created several really odd analogies around 1AM last night to explain how I felt.
Analogy One: Comcast is a witch that made me do manual labor.
Not having the internet means that instead of doing your work, checking your email, and finding out crucial information online, you must instead busy yourself by cleaning your apartment and unpacking things. This unpacking is fraught with the idea that if you had internet, you could take breaks to be on your computer doing things that were equally productive.
As for the witch thing, I don't know. Apparently I personify Comcast as wearing a pointy hat.
Analogy Two: Making transactions on your smartphone is like trying to play Monopoly with a tiny gnome.
The gnome wants to play Monopoly. But the board is way too small for your giant fingers! You must make purchases and transactions, but you keep putting hotels and houses on the wrong properties. You don't even know what the properties say. You have to ask the gnome to read things to you, but he's not very talkative, so you just struggle along by yourself, slowly hemorrhaging money.
 |
| Gnomes and witches are in league with each other. They have a club of pointy-hats. |
Analogy Three: Maintaining a positive attitude during an internet outage when you are moving is as much of a no-win situation as having a staring contest with your cat.
You can never win a staring contest with your cat. Even if you think you won, the cat still thinks he won, and basically that is tantamount to losing. Even if your cat were giant or you were really small, and you were therefore on equal ground size-wise, the result would be no different.
But in the end, my apartment is unpacked, the internet is back, and my cat just lost the staring contest I tried to have with him. So everything is good.
That is all.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
you will never be as awesome as this butterfly.
LOOK AT THIS BUTTERFLY.
You will never be as cool as this butterfly.
The Dryas iulia is native to Brazil, Texas, and Florida. Wikipedia describes it as a fast flier. It drinks the nectar of Shepherd's-needle and lantanas, and CAIMAN ALLIGATOR TEARS.
Yeah. Do a google search to see some pictures of this butterfly drinking the tears of alligators.
Apparently, the Dryas iulia stabs the eye of the caiman with its proboscis. This irritates the eye and produces tears.
RIDICULOUS!!!
Plus, order to keep away the predators, Dryas iulia caterpillars look like this:
In order to be as cool as the Dryas iulia butterfly, you would have to eat some really dangerous item in addition to your regular diet.
Also, you would have to wear a coat of spikes until you grew up.
In conclusion, you all might as well give up trying to be cool, because you will never be as awesome as this butterfly.
 |
| LOOK AT IT. |
You will never be as cool as this butterfly.
The Dryas iulia is native to Brazil, Texas, and Florida. Wikipedia describes it as a fast flier. It drinks the nectar of Shepherd's-needle and lantanas, and CAIMAN ALLIGATOR TEARS.
Yeah. Do a google search to see some pictures of this butterfly drinking the tears of alligators.
Apparently, the Dryas iulia stabs the eye of the caiman with its proboscis. This irritates the eye and produces tears.
RIDICULOUS!!!
Plus, order to keep away the predators, Dryas iulia caterpillars look like this:
 |
| DO NOT TOUCH. |
In order to be as cool as the Dryas iulia butterfly, you would have to eat some really dangerous item in addition to your regular diet.
In conclusion, you all might as well give up trying to be cool, because you will never be as awesome as this butterfly.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
oppenheimer
 |
| (It's Oppenheimer. As a young man. With a non-receded hairline.) |
First in a series of romantic scientist greeting cards.
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