internet frustration

I moved into my new apartment on Friday. The internet was supposed to be turned on but it was not, and the technician could not arrive until Monday, and therefore I spent the weekend without internet.

This was pretty inconvenient while I was trying to move in and coordinate with sources that can only be reached online. I created several really odd analogies around 1AM last night to explain how I felt.

Analogy One: Comcast is a witch that made me do manual labor.

Not having the internet means that instead of doing your work, checking your email, and finding out crucial information online, you must instead busy yourself by cleaning your apartment and unpacking things. This unpacking is fraught with the idea that if you had internet, you could take breaks to be on your computer doing things that were equally productive.

As for the witch thing, I don't know. Apparently I personify Comcast as wearing a pointy hat.

Analogy Two: Making transactions on your smartphone is like trying to play Monopoly with a tiny gnome.

The gnome wants to play Monopoly. But the board is way too small for your giant fingers! You must make purchases and transactions, but you keep putting hotels and houses on the wrong properties. You don't even know what the properties say. You have to ask the gnome to read things to you, but he's not very talkative, so you just struggle along by yourself, slowly hemorrhaging money.

Gnomes and witches are in league with each other. They have a club of pointy-hats.

Yes, the number of accidental amazon and peapod orders I had to cancel was pretty monumental.

Analogy Three: Maintaining a positive attitude during an internet outage when you are moving is as much of a no-win situation as having a staring contest with your cat.

You can never win a staring contest with your cat. Even if you think you won, the cat still thinks he won, and basically that is tantamount to losing. Even if your cat were giant or you were really small, and you were therefore on equal ground size-wise, the result would be no different.

But in the end, my apartment is unpacked, the internet is back, and my cat just lost the staring contest I tried to have with him. So everything is good.

That is all.

no more candy...

Recently, a doctor told me I had slightly elevated triglycerides and needed to eat healthier food. So, I have cut candy completely out of my diet. Which is bad in a different way, because I usually eat a lot of candy. No one ever realizes, because I am pretty skinny and everything, but my purse typically contains enough candy for a witch to build a small apartment complex.

So the difference in my energy levels after cutting out all that candy is pretty drastic.

I keep hearing that fresh vegetables and healthy meals give people energy. So, that means I have to cook. Unfortunately, I am pretty bad at cooking, and the process tends to exhaust me. Which means that making a healthy meal has the completely opposite effect on my energy level. In fact, it induces a vicious cycle:

Somehow, I always get this suggestion from people who hear that I am tired a lot:

How do I feel about this? Let me say it with a graph.

Oh well. Hopefully it will get better.