Nevermind that I rarely go swimming, or that I live more than four hours away from any beach. Swimsuits are on sale! Time to finally buy a swimsuit that fits!
Until I realize…
THERE IS NO SWIMSUIT THAT FITS.
The longer you try on swimsuits, the worse it gets.
This can be quantified by graph:
Unless you manage to find a good swimsuit at the apex of the graph above, you are basically doomed to not find anything at all. Even if you do find something, staring at yourself critically in the mirror for hours will cause you to think it looks terrible.
Solution? I suggest carrying around one of those those funhouse mirrors. Then you will ALWAYS look good.
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