i can has context?

Yesterday, while walking to the comic book store, we saw this:

Yup. That cat looks like he was having a pretty good time. I also love the poster in the background-- cat, perhaps you should find a new hobby. One that is less dangerous for your liver.

Anyway, the only reason why this is funny is because the cat is drunk next to a bottle of booze. Without the booze, it's just a sleepy cat.

Awwww, how cute.

But add the beer back in:

What kind of example are you setting?? Think of the kittens!

But maybe he's just sleeping. In which case, this picture would be clearer:

D'awwwww.

Or maybe he's sleeping, but also having a relaxing time on the beach.

And apparently is female.

That is all.

"now let me smoke in peace..."

Anytime someone says that particularly alliterative phrase to me, this is what I think of. People like to think of Sherlock and Watson as being besties, but I like to think of them as a more profane version of the odd couple.

heat exhaustion

I had heat exhaustion.

That is all.


Also happy birthday to Steve!

plants

When I was in college, I was not good with plants. At first, I named them, but then I stopped because they kept dying.

This is because I had two modes. In one mode, I cared a lot about the plant and was terrified that it would die.

In the other mode, I decided not to care about the plant, out of fear that I would kill it.

When I left college, I moved into an apartment with terrible lighting. Despite many panicked attempts to prevent plant death, I accidentally killed my boyfriend's beloved and long-lived pet cactus. This, along with all of my previous attempts at growing plants, earned me the reputation of being a plant killer.

So, I took a break from growing plants for a while. Green things around the world rejoiced.

Then, on a trip to Hawaii, I got a plumeria cutting as a souvenir. This is basically a withered stick of a plumeria, cleared for transportation back to the mainland, and sold in basically every souvenir store and Wal-Mart in Hawaii. Since it seemed really unlikely that these dry sticks would ever return to being living things, my boyfriend and I decided to have a contest to see whose plumeria stick would 1) become a living thing again and 2) grow the tallest.

Deciding I did not want a dead stick in my house, I defaulted to a sunnier spot in a window at work. Many people there had desk plants, and one in particular was very good at growing things. I asked him how to plant my plumeria stick. Here are the instructions he gave me.

- Plant it in soil
- Make sure the drainage is good (put some rocks in the bottom of the pot)
- Keep it in a sunny spot
- Add water whenever the soil looks dry

Although I had thought this was what I was doing with previous plants, I rarely had done all of them at the same time.

So I tried to do everything properly with the plumeria. It helped that I honestly wasn't sure that it would grow at all.

Now, the plumeria has many leaves! It's so exciting. I have even tried growing other plants! I have sprouted an avocado and even re-grown my boyfriend's rare cactus from seeds I bought from an Australian guy on e-bay. So, in conclusion, having a "green thumb" is actually pretty simple. Also, I am naming my plants again.

Also also-- I won the contest.

no more candy...

Recently, a doctor told me I had slightly elevated triglycerides and needed to eat healthier food. So, I have cut candy completely out of my diet. Which is bad in a different way, because I usually eat a lot of candy. No one ever realizes, because I am pretty skinny and everything, but my purse typically contains enough candy for a witch to build a small apartment complex.

So the difference in my energy levels after cutting out all that candy is pretty drastic.

I keep hearing that fresh vegetables and healthy meals give people energy. So, that means I have to cook. Unfortunately, I am pretty bad at cooking, and the process tends to exhaust me. Which means that making a healthy meal has the completely opposite effect on my energy level. In fact, it induces a vicious cycle:

Somehow, I always get this suggestion from people who hear that I am tired a lot:

How do I feel about this? Let me say it with a graph.

Oh well. Hopefully it will get better.

mysterious cockroach incident

Yesterday, I walked into the bathroom to discover my cat examining the toilet closely and staring at a dead, partially dismembered cockroach floating in the bowl. It was horrifying.

It was like walking in on a crime scene. It was gross. My cat looked alarmed. I froze where I stood and wondered what possibly could have happened. At first, I could only come up with two scenarios:

Then, I came up with an entirely different, possibly more likely scenario.

To understand why I came to this conclusion, you first have to know that my cat does not use a litter box. Rather, he uses the toilet. It does not only happen in Ben Stiller comedies-- my cat uses the toilet to dispose of his waste. And apparently his cockroaches.

Here is what I think happened.

Upon discovering the roach, I was simultaneously grossed out and impressed. I wasn't sure if the cat should be punished for trying to eat a roach or rewarded for correctly disposing of it. I guess I should just glad he didn't do what I thought he'd do upon finding a gross bug:

nap problems

I become tired sometimes and decide to take a nap.

Sometimes, the result is this:

Other times, the result is this:

Scientifically, the best amount of time for a nap is 15-20 minutes, 1.5 hrs, or a full night. Anecdotally, this is what happens when I nap:

People are always coming up with those rhymes to remember what not to do (i.e. beer before liquor). I always thought they were pretty mediocre. Here's an equally mediocre one for sleeping: