fake excuses

Sometimes, a situation calls for an excuse.

Sometimes, it calls for an excuse/blow-off.

"I have to wash my hair" used to be the token great excuse to both remove yourself from a situation and blow someone off at the same time. But that's been a little overdone. Here are some better excuses in the same vein:

Said sincerely, the result of these excuses will be the original result of "I have to wash my hair."

Here is the formula for making a new, better excuse:

Go for it! Make your own! Enjoy blowing off skeevy jerks everywhere!

meeting an ex

Meeting a significant other's ex is not very fun. It is true, she is always someone incredibly different from you.

(In my case, usually someone who does not enjoy fuzzy green hats or own a bizarre, misbehaving cat.)

It also never goes well, due to extreme awkwardness and the sneaky feeling that the ex might somehow be superior to you. However, while you are thinking all these negative thoughts, remember the theme of this meeting:

Quietly remembering that you are THE WINNER will help you avoid two prominent examples of natural, embarrassing, ex-induced behavior:

1) the sneaky lap-crawl

2) the monologue

These behaviors are not typical of the winner you are. Just be a nice, cordial, good person. If you start feeling insecure again, consider these analogies. The ex you are talking to probably falls into at least one of them.

Here are the explanations for these analogies:

Geocities: people are embarrassed to say they used it to build a website.
Wordpress: people are excited to use it to build a website now.
Dreamcast: Soon after purchase, people realize that it had no lasting value
N64: Despite time, people look upon it with fondness and nostalgia
Beanie babies: not awesome.
The fact that people no longer collect beanie babies: very awesome.

post-its

Post-it notes are fun. I guess they are supposed to be used for reminders, but I use post-its for almost everything except for reminders.

Usually, I do post-it origami. It works particularly well if you manage to expose the sticky side on one end.

You can also play dress-up with post-its. Here are some examples.

The best thing, though, is to combine these alternative post-it usages in order to become:

The post-it pirate is fearsome. The post-it pirate does not care if you have many post-its or only one. The post-it pirate will take your post-its for herself!

I like the post-it pirate. I imagine that she is a frightening yet righteous marauder that punishes office post-it hoarders by stealing their post-its and redistributing them to needy office workers. Indeed, the post-it pirate is the Robin Hood of our modern life.

Sadly, the post-it pirate is mere fiction. However, sometimes when I see a particularly bad post-it hoarder in my office, and a certain temptation arises...