pet optimization does not work

I enjoy optimization, but I am not good at accounting for all of the variables. A hilarious exhibition of my non-optimal optimization skills occurred last year, when it was suggested that I get an animal for my one bedroom apartment.

It was hard to choose a pet. When animals are easy to take care of, they are not very entertaining. When they are hard to take care of, they are much more fun, but also more stressful. If you don't have unlimited time, it's hard to get a fun animal.

The relationship indicated by this scatter plot is shown in the best fit line below:

Cuttlefish, an outlier, has been eliminated.

If no other reason, I liked cats because they were very close to the origin of this graph, optimizing enjoyability and ease of care.

I decided to get a cat.

After further research about the different breeds of cats, I realized that felines have many variables that can be optimized to one's lifestyle. At the time, I decided that the primary three were level of shedding (light vs. heavy), coat length (short vs. long) and playfulness (calm vs. active). Here are what I considered to be optimal cat traits for my lifestyle.

I settled on a Devon Rex cat, which had a good deal of playfulness and moderate fluffiness, along with a nice, low-shedding coat.

The Devon Rex is a semi-hairless cat. Although their coat length can be similar to that of a normal cat, they do not have the same kind of long, obtrusive guard hairs that most cats shed when you pet them. Instead, they have a downy coat of soft under-hairs. They are intelligent and playful throughout their lifetimes. A Devon Rex kitten, I thought, would be much easier to care for than other kittens.

Unfortunately, I failed to take into account the "wild card" factor of cats. Cats cannot be optimized. Cats cannot be controlled. They seem to have an uncanny connection to the karmic element of the universe. Attempt to control a cat, and they lash out to destroy your well-laid plans. I tried to obtain a cat, because cats are fairly low maintenance. This is partially because I enjoy sleeping, and had been told repeatedly that cats also enjoy sleeping.

Unfortunately, my cat enjoys the following instead:

This is apparently pretty typical of some cats but not others. This disruptive feline behavior has rendered my pet optimization ineffective. There are too many variables in cats and other animals. From now on, I will stick to optimizing equations.